Have you ever gone to the doctor because you did not feel well? Did you hope they would find something wrong with you? You didn't want them to find out that you had a terminal illness- but you want them to find that there is something wrong. Because, you see, if there is something wrong they could treat you with medicine and you'd be better. If they find nothing wrong, then no medicine and you continue to feel like crap!
I remember when I first asked for help. At this point I felt crazy. I felt like I was really going insane. I kept saying, please lock me up... I had stopped leaving my dorm room. I went to the cafe and got carry out because I didn't want to sit in the cafeteria. I did not want to pretend to be happy when I was so sad and confused. I was isolating myself from everyone and everything.
I remember walking in to the building of my new doctor's office. I had such a feeling of relief...of hope. This person had the magic potion and they were going to cure me... right?!?
I sat down on the black leather chair and the doctor took me through all the "getting to know you" questions starting with, "Why are you here?"... I remember thinking, uhm don't you know?!? I am going INSANE. You need to lock me up in the Loony Bin!! FIX ME!! No, I didn't say that =) But what I did say was, "I cannot function. I don't want to get out of bed, shower, eat...! I am crying all night. I don't know where I belong... what I want to do with my life...I felt all alone. NO ONE understood me and how I felt. I was all alone..."
Then the doctor asked me so why do I feel the way I feel. I started to cry... are you kidding me! If I knew what was wrong with me I would not be sitting here!!!
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