Can I have a clone?

Sometimes I just want another "ME" to talk to... someone that understands and knows exactly how I feel. So I can say, "Salethia, I feel really crummy today!" and Salethia II could say, "Yeah, I know what you mean.. I completely understand!"... and that would be the TRUTH!. Salethia II would really, really get it! LOL!

God help me!! clone me for my use only...LOL! or not!

Almost there...

I remember one day, while I was in college, I finally convinced myself to go to class. I only had one class that day and told myself I could push through it. See the day before I had no classes and I slept the whole day only left the dorm room once for food. It was nice Spring day. I remember hearing all of the people outside laughing and playing ball. They were happy...why were they so happy? Better question, why was I so darn sad?

Well, I convinced myself to get out and go to my class. I walked out of my door and I remember looking at this process in "steps".... 1st step- locking the door to my dorm room, 2nd step- getting on the elevator, 3rd step was walking to the building were my class was held, 4th step- walking to the classroom, 5th step- taking a seat in class.

I made it through all the steps except the 5th one... I could not sit down in class!! I made it all the way there and I could not do it!! I turned around and went back to my dorm room, crawled in bed and closed my eyes... If I could just sleep maybe when I woke up I would feel better.

This is just one example of something that happened very often... I was almost there.

I am a TURTLE - - - My shell= my dorm room/bed/sleep

Find something wrong...PLEASE - Part I

Have you ever gone to the doctor because you did not feel well? Did you hope they would find something wrong with you? You didn't want them to find out that you had a terminal illness- but you want them to find that there is something wrong. Because, you see, if there is something wrong they could treat you with medicine and you'd be better. If they find nothing wrong, then no medicine and you continue to feel like crap!

I remember when I first asked for help. At this point I felt crazy. I felt like I was really going insane. I kept saying, please lock me up... I had stopped leaving my dorm room. I went to the cafe and got carry out because I didn't want to sit in the cafeteria. I did not want to pretend to be happy when I was so sad and confused. I was isolating myself from everyone and everything.

I remember walking in to the building of my new doctor's office. I had such a feeling of relief...of hope. This person had the magic potion and they were going to cure me... right?!?

I sat down on the black leather chair and the doctor took me through all the "getting to know you" questions starting with, "Why are you here?"... I remember thinking, uhm don't you know?!? I am going INSANE. You need to lock me up in the Loony Bin!! FIX ME!! No, I didn't say that =) But what I did say was, "I cannot function. I don't want to get out of bed, shower, eat...! I am crying all night. I don't know where I belong... what I want to do with my life...I felt all alone. NO ONE understood me and how I felt. I was all alone..."

Then the doctor asked me so why do I feel the way I feel. I started to cry... are you kidding me! If I knew what was wrong with me I would not be sitting here!!!

Was Michael Jackson a fellow TURTLE?

I think that MJ was a "Turtle". How could he not be? His life was an amazing and interesting life. Can you imagine not being able to drive yourself to the store, go to a restaurant, go to your favorite coffee shop. That has got to be a hard life. No freedom.

With all of this talk about the Neverland Ranch it finally dawned on me that the ranch was his "shell". He did not have to hide when he was there. There he was free and safe. Then the child molestation trial and the investigation at the ranch happened. This tore apart his "shell"...he was no longer safe. He was exposed and vunerable.

More thoughts on this later.

Married but a Single Mom...

This is crazy...I am married but a single Mom?!?! I don't get it.

I have always looked forward to the day that I would have my own family. Going to the park with my husband and my kids. Doing things together as a family. But, the reality is that women carry the bulk of the responsibility when we become mothers. Nothing against our husband/ Baby Daddies but... its true.

Okay, I know my story is different..."I am not in Kansas anymore". But when my husband and I lived under the same roof I did mostly everything when it came to our son. Packed his food, pumped his milk (okay, so that is a cheap shot. I know a man can't produce milk but I am just saying...lol), bathed him, dressed him, rocked him to sleep, and the list goes on...

And when my husband did help he wasn't doing things the way I wanted them to be done and it was just easier doing things myself. Have you ever heard that saying, "Let go and Let God"? (At least I think that is the saying...) Anyway I say let go and let your husband. As hard as it is and was I had to let go and let my husband take over. I cannot do everything... I am not Superwoman!

Now that I am "Not in Kansas anymore" I have no choice but to be superwoman.

Pointy Birthday Hats

OK...My son was turning one and I wanted to have a BIG birthday bash for him. Even though he was turning one and would be completely oblivious to what was going on I wanted to have this BIG party because it was his 1st birthday. Part of me thinks that I wanted to do it as a party for me =) A party for me to celebrate making it through my first year as being a MOM. Hey, let's face it, my son could care less! But as for MOI ... I had a blast!

Anyway, while I was shopping for decorations and party favors I came across those traditional party hats. You know... those pointy party hats. Please answer this question for me... Who decided that those hats are synonymous with birthday parties?

How about I make a square hat? Wrap it like a birthday present and have some string that goes under your neck to hold it in place. Do you think it would sell?